Busy Times

Work has picked up significantly. But I’ve been keeping up with my run streak, even if my ankle is back to the level of pain it was before I took my break. I’ve just been plodding along most days, just getting a mile or so in. I am fine with doing that for as long as I have to for now, it’s ok. Did a little more than a mile today, originally I wanted to do at least 5, but I was just sore and tired in the morning.
I was going to talk about people who don’t pay attention, but I realized they don’t pay attention, so it doesn’t matter. People who think they’re the arbiter of what is what, that they have secret knowledge that other people don’t. I have no time for that mess. Otherwise intelligent and good people wasted with their head up their own ass. I don’t have time for it. This world doesn’t have time for it.
As I get older, as I see the pattern repeating itself, I ask myself if it is truly worth the effort expended. Is there hope left, I ask myself? My heart says yes, but in my head I’m pretty sure we will just keep on pretty much this same trajectory, with a few course corrections until the world’s demise at our hands. Simply because the “most powerful nation on Earth” lacks any and all humility or sense. Not just the politicians, the people, the politicians are a reflection of the people. Don’t mistake my lack of patience for a lack of humility. People just piss me off because while I’m well aware I’m an idiot, they all think they’re smart. Again this idea that they hold some secret knowledge.
Like I stated the other day, truly strip away everything, really see how deep your conditioning goes. How even your supposed “awakening” is just more bullshit. You’re no less a commodity than anyone else, and if you don’t think you’re buying into the system when you spout your nonsense about different conspiracies, even if the conspiracy ends up being true at some point or some level, you’re a bigger fool than I can put into words. There are so many feedback loops to the way things are, and I’ve yet met another person who said “Sure I’m a giant hypocrite, but so is everyone else.” Everyone seems to exclude themselves from the “full of shit” class. I don’t understand how others don’t see it. But that’s the way it is. Constant self-doubt, self-criticism, re-examining, re-adjusting, yet moving forward with the best possible information you can, all the while knowing you’re probably wrong about the whole thing. That’s the only way to be. Once you learn something, then know that you know it, but be prepared that it may be wrong after all. But here’s the thing, with virtually everything we argue about, everyone’s wrong. The problem is there are things we do know, and people intentionally cast doubt on that in order to further their own agendas, but whatever.
I’m going to keep on this. Take everything away, ask yourself what you truly need, and how you truly feel about all other people having those things. Ask yourself how you feel about other beings having those things, not just human. Ask yourself how you want to interact with the world, as yourself how you want to be interacted with understanding that you have no control over that. There’s a great video I saw of this woman who encountered what looked to be a brown bear in the somewhat wilderness, and she was “talking” to it asking it to leave her kayak alone, then proceeded to pepper spray the bear. The bear then goes to the kayak and destroys it while she yells and screams. It’s by far one of the most annoying things I’ve ever seen. First the woman’s voice is truly irritating, secondly who does she think she is telling a bear what to do. Third, if she hadn’t done something in the kayak (I’m going to guess she ate in it and ended up dropping food in there) to make the bear interested it would have left it alone. Fourth, why did she interact with the bear? There was clearly some sort of construction there, surely she had some sort of edifice to protect herself from the bear. Let the bear be, I’ll bet if she had just stayed inside and let the bear go about its business it would have left the kayak alone, bears generally don’t want to mess with humans. Unless of course, there was food in the kayak.
But that’s what people do, they yell at you like you’re the bear, but you’re not a bear. But they think they can control you, like you are an animal, because they see other people as being “controlled” by someone else, when in reality we’re all merely a product of the collective, unyielding conditioning. What they don’t understand is that they are just as controlled. They think they are above it, they think they are in the Matrix and have taken whatever fucking pill it was that “Neo” took. But none of that is true, they’re still just as conditioned, because they refuse to look at themselves, even the ways in which they do look at themselves, aren’t anything meaningful. I don’t know everyone, I’m making general statements based on my own experience. There are ways in which my conditioning alters my behavior that I am sure I, myself, am not aware of. It’s ok. It’s ok to not know, it’s ok to not be in control. Stop thinking it’s not ok. Yes, it’s also not ok for people to treat other people shitty, it’s not ok to be racist, classist, sexist, it’s not ok to be shitty in these ways. It’s not ok to think you’re better than anyone. Even the people who are shitty, even the people you know are dead wrong. You’re still not better than they are.

Have fun, keep running, and remember; if Gil can run then so can you!


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