All these years…

So I’ve been keeping up with my club running streak and put in 5k this morning. Next week and the week after are going to be really difficult, and I started out too fast today and now my ankle is really sore. But that’s neither here nor there, I need to stay focused and on task.
To that end, I really have to start working to break out of this depression. I can’t decide if it’s because I haven’t had a drink in over 3 weeks now, or if having a drink would make it worse? But I noticed something while I was sleeping that I have never noticed before. My dreams are more vivid, more bizarre, and way more disturbing when I am depressed. I don’t know how I have never noticed this before, and I don’t read up on symptomatic expressions of things. I’m not a doctor, I just know how things go for me and how my body acts and reacts, and that’s that. But after last night’s weirdness, I realized that whenever I feel like this is when my dreams are at their most distressing.
I don’t know if other people feel that way too, but it was a very interesting observation. Like my mind is working harder to try and escape its own prison. I can’t just rely on running to mitigate these things, like now with my achilles still in pain every day, what if something happened and I couldn’t run anymore? I’ve been trying to diversify my activities. Yoga, video games, funny TV, movies, video, things I enjoy. They do not create the same conditions.
At least now I recognize another indicator of trouble, really off-the-wall dreams/nightmares. The more things I can identify the better chance I have of mitigating and alleviating this issue. It’s been a long process, and it’s been a long time since I’ve been this down for this long. It’s been since just before my birthday really, and it has nothing to do with the birthday itself. In a time keeping system centered on a solitary planet orbiting its star, which even gets that timing wrong (hence why we have leap years and leap seconds) I’m not particularly concerned about “age”. I think I’m just truly tired, I’ve been battling personally, professionally, so much this past year or so. I think it has just caught up with me. People who witness me work think everything I do is effortless. I think I’ve discussed this before. I make things look easy. But that is so far from the truth. It’s a constant swirling torrent of doubt and worry, study and work. One thing is for sure the work is never done until it is done. At that time I’m sure I will wish for 5 more minutes, 5 more hours, 5 more days, 5 more months, 5 more years of worry, of doubt, of struggle.
That’s why I try to stay positive even when my mind is attacking itself. Because when it’s done it’s done, and so we have to our best to make the most out of every moment. That’s why I talk about treating people better. Everyone should have a chance to make the most of every moment they have. People’s ability to make the most of things shouldn’t be hindered or inhibited by artificial systems of resource distribution and the lies created therein, that some people are deserving of more based on whatever convenient criteria those who have the most determine will solidify their grip on their supposed wealth.
And that’s the thing. Life is hard enough to be a modern human being without people piling on and deeming some “deserve it”. This is why if fight as I do, as long as I have the strength to handle my personal battles. I can only ever imagine how much worse it is for someone who didn’t have the advantages I’ve had in life and yet have the same inherent disadvantages. Even when I was very young I recognized how lucky I was, even as bad things were happening to and/or around me. I’ve always had that basic empathy, to understand that the world is not mine, and there are things happening outside of my view that makes what I am going through absolute child’s play to someone else. If you cannot understand that, or if you do not want to understand that, then you need to search for your empathy. You are at fault, and it will lead you to faulty philosophies and ideas. If your ideas about how the world should work place the blame of the problems onto other people based on pure prejudice and judgement of how you think “other people” act and think, then you are at fault. The only time blame can be assigned to other people is when you can demonstrate that their actions have caused injury to society at large.
Case study: Trickle-Down Economics, or “Supply-Side” as people like to call them. It simply does not work, the wealthy hold onto their tax breaks, the poor pay more and get poorer. It causes an injury. The people who support and enforce this regime are under the assumption that the poor are to blame for their lot in life, due to laziness, irresponsible behavior, things like that. Even though you can see the stagnation in the economy, the increase in debt, the increase in pain and suffering among the vulnerable, people still continue to enforce this faulty ideology on others. People who support trickle-down are wrong, we have the statistics which show them to be wrong, and we have the empathy to reach out and see the suffering of people caused by it, to know that it is wrong. If it worked, it would not increase suffering at all.
This is a problem in general with the United States though, and the rest of the world to a point. But I have used this example before. Back in the days of the Dust Bowl, and other more minor but still troubling droughts, there would be travelling holy men, the people who became the pastors in mega-churches today, their ancestors. They would go from town to town promising that it would rain. They would seduce the women in the town (seriously, there’s a great description of that in John Steinbeck’s “Grapes of Wrath), they would take as much money as the town would give, promising they could make it rain. They’d have a huge event at the town’s expense, and when the time came and it didn’t rain, they’d tell the townspeople that it was their lack of faith, it was their sinful ways which caused the rain not to work, God didn’t abandon them, they failed God. Why we allow these people to continue to treat us this way I will never understand. We need to change.

Have fun, keep running, and remember; if Gil can run then so can you!


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Busy Times

Work has picked up significantly. But I’ve been keeping up with my run streak, even if my ankle is back to the level of pain it was before I took my break. I’ve just been plodding along most days, just getting a mile or so in. I am fine with doing that for as long as I have to for now, it’s ok. Did a little more than a mile today, originally I wanted to do at least 5, but I was just sore and tired in the morning.
I was going to talk about people who don’t pay attention, but I realized they don’t pay attention, so it doesn’t matter. People who think they’re the arbiter of what is what, that they have secret knowledge that other people don’t. I have no time for that mess. Otherwise intelligent and good people wasted with their head up their own ass. I don’t have time for it. This world doesn’t have time for it.
As I get older, as I see the pattern repeating itself, I ask myself if it is truly worth the effort expended. Is there hope left, I ask myself? My heart says yes, but in my head I’m pretty sure we will just keep on pretty much this same trajectory, with a few course corrections until the world’s demise at our hands. Simply because the “most powerful nation on Earth” lacks any and all humility or sense. Not just the politicians, the people, the politicians are a reflection of the people. Don’t mistake my lack of patience for a lack of humility. People just piss me off because while I’m well aware I’m an idiot, they all think they’re smart. Again this idea that they hold some secret knowledge.
Like I stated the other day, truly strip away everything, really see how deep your conditioning goes. How even your supposed “awakening” is just more bullshit. You’re no less a commodity than anyone else, and if you don’t think you’re buying into the system when you spout your nonsense about different conspiracies, even if the conspiracy ends up being true at some point or some level, you’re a bigger fool than I can put into words. There are so many feedback loops to the way things are, and I’ve yet met another person who said “Sure I’m a giant hypocrite, but so is everyone else.” Everyone seems to exclude themselves from the “full of shit” class. I don’t understand how others don’t see it. But that’s the way it is. Constant self-doubt, self-criticism, re-examining, re-adjusting, yet moving forward with the best possible information you can, all the while knowing you’re probably wrong about the whole thing. That’s the only way to be. Once you learn something, then know that you know it, but be prepared that it may be wrong after all. But here’s the thing, with virtually everything we argue about, everyone’s wrong. The problem is there are things we do know, and people intentionally cast doubt on that in order to further their own agendas, but whatever.
I’m going to keep on this. Take everything away, ask yourself what you truly need, and how you truly feel about all other people having those things. Ask yourself how you feel about other beings having those things, not just human. Ask yourself how you want to interact with the world, as yourself how you want to be interacted with understanding that you have no control over that. There’s a great video I saw of this woman who encountered what looked to be a brown bear in the somewhat wilderness, and she was “talking” to it asking it to leave her kayak alone, then proceeded to pepper spray the bear. The bear then goes to the kayak and destroys it while she yells and screams. It’s by far one of the most annoying things I’ve ever seen. First the woman’s voice is truly irritating, secondly who does she think she is telling a bear what to do. Third, if she hadn’t done something in the kayak (I’m going to guess she ate in it and ended up dropping food in there) to make the bear interested it would have left it alone. Fourth, why did she interact with the bear? There was clearly some sort of construction there, surely she had some sort of edifice to protect herself from the bear. Let the bear be, I’ll bet if she had just stayed inside and let the bear go about its business it would have left the kayak alone, bears generally don’t want to mess with humans. Unless of course, there was food in the kayak.
But that’s what people do, they yell at you like you’re the bear, but you’re not a bear. But they think they can control you, like you are an animal, because they see other people as being “controlled” by someone else, when in reality we’re all merely a product of the collective, unyielding conditioning. What they don’t understand is that they are just as controlled. They think they are above it, they think they are in the Matrix and have taken whatever fucking pill it was that “Neo” took. But none of that is true, they’re still just as conditioned, because they refuse to look at themselves, even the ways in which they do look at themselves, aren’t anything meaningful. I don’t know everyone, I’m making general statements based on my own experience. There are ways in which my conditioning alters my behavior that I am sure I, myself, am not aware of. It’s ok. It’s ok to not know, it’s ok to not be in control. Stop thinking it’s not ok. Yes, it’s also not ok for people to treat other people shitty, it’s not ok to be racist, classist, sexist, it’s not ok to be shitty in these ways. It’s not ok to think you’re better than anyone. Even the people who are shitty, even the people you know are dead wrong. You’re still not better than they are.

Have fun, keep running, and remember; if Gil can run then so can you!


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Call to Action

I’ve been keeping with the club streak, did a nice 5 today. My ankles are still sore, they’re not going to get better this week that’s for sure, but I’ll keep plodding along. I don’t do these streaks for the prize (we get cups or mugs or such for completion), I don’t do it to brag about it on here, in fact, I hope no one ever takes anything on here as me bragging. I do it for a few reasons, first is that I actually like my running club, it’s full of cool and interesting people. That sense of feeling, belonging you get. But I also do it for the people who can’t do it, the people who are sick, hurt, or otherwise cannot participate, yet want to. I feel it would be insulting to them, and their desire if I didn’t get out there an run while i had the chance. Lastly, I do it for the people who are also doing it and are struggling, and may want to quit. Now there’s nothing wrong with dropping out of such a venture if you’re truly overwhelmed by it, or have injured yourself or some such. But just the people struggling with the logistics, the desire, I want to keep them motivated. Because I know when they finish, if they finish, they will feel great about themselves for it. Not so they’ll feel grateful to me, but that they’ll feel grateful to themselves and for themselves.
I don’t know if I talk about this enough or if I talk about it too much, life seems very easy for me to most people who witness me. This is not true, it can be a true struggle. Outwardly, I stay as happy as I can, I stay as confident as I can. I know I know the things I know. Even if I can’t quite you the exact peer-reviewed study, I know it’s there and it’s just a matter of me googling it. I know I’m pretty strong and exceptionally capable with many things. I have a good mind for figuring out how to get things done. I’ve certainly watched enough “Primitive Technology” to know how to survive pretty well if civilization came crashing down without an extinction event. That’s all exterior though, inside I’m rife with doubt, anxiety, even depression, and negativity. It is exceptionally difficult for me to actually be happy with myself. But I keep fighting, because I know letting that stuff win doesn’t do any good at all.
Why do I mention this? Simple, it’s my motivation for what I write, how I treat other people, how I act in public when I’m not motor-mouthing out of anxiety. I don’t ever want any other human being to feel the way I do inside. I want to make sure other people have the strength to fight whatever they have going on inside them. I want to make sure that their inner struggles don’t consume them. It’s a very tall order, and in the end I really have no control over that, just as I have no control over anything else in the Universe. That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t at least try, because maybe I fail 9 times out of 10, but that tenth time, that person is helped. I don’t need to know that I helped even, I don’t need to be thanked, it’s just the thing to do. I’m a builder, it’s what I do. Every job I’ve ever had I’ve looked at the tasks I do like I’m building something, even when I’m not. As a teacher, I’m building better English users. Every day I’m (hopefully) building lessons which entertain and inform.
In the same strain, I hope that here I am building people to think more critically, and participate more in the outside world. To hopefully build a world that is truly fair, just, good for all people, and good for all life. I always try and work in what the reader, and what I could do, to bring about real, substantive change in the world, to fix the wrongs we see. On my private social media, what is that, I tend to be more of a complainer, but I still try and argue (when people bother to actually argue) what concrete thing can be done to fix that issue.
I see a lot of people who spend so much time complaining about National politicians, I do my fair share, but they particularly go after national politicians who have retired, or are not going to run for anything anymore. They say they want to bring that side over to them by doing this. But beating the head that’s already been removed from the Hydra isn’t going to change anything. I tell my friends, you have to get your town nominating committee to get the candidates you want on your BOE, Town Council, in the Mayor’s Office, Police Commission, State Representatives, States Senators. You do that Nationwide (As I’ve said here a million times) then any party you subscribe to will change, nationally. That’s what the Tea Baggers, those racist, Nazi fucks, did to the GOP. You want to move the national party away from whatever, you want to build a third party into a force, that’s what you have to do. Get 150 people into your town nominating meeting, all backing the same candidate you do. Repeat that in every town, everywhere you can, watch how quickly things change. The Tea Party had lots of corporate cash helping them, it’s a large reason it spread so quickly, but still. The principle is the same.
I see so much wasted effort, I see so much energy going in the wrong direction. There will never be a Red October in the US. The only hopes are either a complete societal collapse, or enough people pulling this very heavy weight in the right direction long enough that real change happens. Either way, I’m good. If the world ends, I did everything I could, if the world is saved, I did everything I could.
I’m proud to say that this year saw the largest number of personal friends voted into elected office. I have wonderful friends serving in different capacities in four different municipalities, in more than one state and some who serve in state legislative bodies, among others. I know I didn’t encourage all of them, I may not have been a factor for any of them, I don’t know, and it doesn’t matter. I say you have to get involved locally, and they have. I know these people are regardless of their party affiliation I know they are going to do what is right for the people they represent, which is pretty cool. How do I know this? They are my friends, generally that’s how I pick friends. Not really but it seems to work that way, I find people who excel at doing the right thing.
That’s the trick that’s the goal. Go out and do the right thing. But never think you can stop at “If only this would happen, then this could happen.” Ok, either figure out how to make the first condition true, or leave it alone. If you can’t make something happen, then you need to find a different plan of attack. This means you have to start small, and you have to build, and you have to keep building, until you get things the way you think they should be. But if all you’re doing is pointing out the faults, or just making plans which can never be actualized, you’re not doing anything at all. Just because I’m saying that doesn’t mean I don’t see the enormous issues which need to be fixed immediately, I think anyone who reads this frequently, knows I know this all too well. But the fact is it’s not going to happen overnight, we need to take what we can when we can, and keep trying for more. Put another way, I cannot take down a whole mountain tomorrow, but if I convince enough of my friends, and enough strangers that we need to take down that mountain, we sure can do it. Not just because I don’t have the physical strength, but I may not have the best ideas, I may not know the best technology to use, I may not know the weaknesses of the geology of that mountain, but a friend might, a sympathetic stranger might.
So don’t just think of what’s wrong, figure out how to fix it, that’s the point, that’s always the point. Find people to work with.

Have fun, keep running, and remember; if Gil can run then so can you!


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Running away with it

I went out for 5 miles today, and then the day just got away from me. I got my usual cooking and cleaning in, watched the Puglia Derby, Bari v Foggia, Bari won 1-0. Next thing you know, I’m getting ready for bed! I have to be at work by 9am, so it means an early Sunday night.
So yeah, today just ran away with me, but it’s cool. Time for bed and get ready to face a new week.

Have fun, keep running, and remember; if Gil can run then so can you!


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Just a quick one

Yesterday was quite the essay right? So today I had to get up and go to work super early, so as soon as I got home I put in a run to complete the requirements for my streak. I actually ran pretty fast, the fastest I’ve done an out and back to the end of the breakwater at least. My ankle still not feeling well, but screw it.
In less than a week it will be December. In just under 40 days, it will be 2018. Although I’ve cut back my miles, if all things remain equal I should just barely pass last year’s total. It has not been the easiest year for sure. But more on that in about a month. I won’t hit 100 miles this month, the first time in a very long time.
Anyway, just wanted to check in and get back into a more regular habit, I don’t really have much else to say. Been up for a very long time now today. Plus, punk rock Christmas songs right?!?!

Have fun, keep running and remember; if Gil can run then so can you!


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Nature vs Nuture and stuff

OK, I took a couple weeks off. Waking up every morning with my ankles stiff and sore, barely able to walk was too much. With my US running club’s Holiday Streaking Challenge starting yesterday, I decided to take time off and heal up as best as possible. It didn’t do much this time off, as of this morning, after one run I was practically back to where I was. I’m stopping with mileage goals, just get at least my 1 mile every day to complete the challenge. Today I did a 5k. So yesterday a 5 mile run and today a 5k, covering all the Turkey Trots I missed yesterday.
I have been doing yoga regularly to make up for the missed runs at least. So that gets me thinking about things. Plus, I’ve still been dealing with some pretty serious anxiety although the general depression has subsided. It’s been pretty difficult at times, but I muscle through it the best I can. I’ve been trying to ignore things which make it worse. Through it all though, I’m happy. I can’t help the anxiety and to a point I can’t help the depression either. When it happens I just have to do my best to mitigate it. It is part of who I am. Which leads me to think, what are we?
I’ve talked about this stuff before, but it’s really that important. To figure out what is nature, and what is a product of our environment and situation, we have to strip away everything, even if just in thought. To really decipher human nature, requires abandoning all trappings of society, even the simplest things, to figure out what we need, and who we are to get that. People have tried, but they’ve always been clouded by history, or perceived history. The Enlightenment thinkers who ended up forming our modern society were trying to justify their own philosophies and so determined human nature to be something selfish, greedy, base.
But really take some time out and strip away all the things you think you need, all the things you want, all the you have and ask yourself who you really are. What you really want out of life. Where do you want to be, what do you want to do. Not what do you want to do for a job, but do you want to help people, do you want to hurt people? Do you want to be all by yourself? What makes you feel that way? Why? Is it because of how modern society acts, how people have treated you? Or is it truly just who you are? How do you separate the two? It’s not a simple task, to honestly look at yourself, to truly be introspective and ask yourself what your motivation is for your own feelings. Is it just your nature, or is it how you were raised? We’re not just raised by our families mind you, the entire society that you are exposed to has an effect throughout your life.
At the core, people will be different, and that’s ok. But from that very core, then start building your system outward. Keep what works, but get rid of what doesn’t. We need to do that in each of our lives, and we also need to do that in society overall. The problem is that so many people subscribe to business as usual. Even people I know, who claim to want a change still buy into the same societal nonsense causing the issues, telling you that your nature is selfish and base.
My frustration comes from wanting a new world, a new philosophy for so long, and yet never seeing it come. Seeing the same thing happen to my generation as happened to my parents, and knowing that the next generation will go through the same thing. Fits and starts, but no real progress, still basing our ideas on the same flawed ideas of 250-300 years ago.
My point is, many of the things we hang onto so fervently, though (even though I completely got off the point above) we are mostly products of our upbringing, of our society. Human nature is far different from what is presented in life. I firmly believe this is the cause of almost all of the strife in the world. I get that life is not easy or comfortable. In our natural state we are food for lions, tigers, bears, hyenas, cheetahs, leopards, jaguars, wolves, coyotes, crocodiles, alligators, all manner of creatures. We aren’t the strongest, we aren’t the fastest, we aren’t the best able to climb, or jump, we’re actually not good at much naturally. We are good at figuring things out and making tools.
Where does that come from? Why are we good at tools? It’s intelligence right? But here’s the real issue of our modern society, of our nurturing. The Enlightenment philosophers and so many who came after have assumed, and we definitely assume, this intelligence evolved to fight the entropy of the Universe. That we are there to put order to things, that things are supposed to have an order, and that entropy is inherently bad, evil. Simply put, entropy is the “devil”. But is it? Is that what intelligence is for, to fight entropy? To take control and give order to things?
We all talk about power, control, mastery, things like this. But I say no, intelligence is not to create order, to take control. With it we can, and I believe we should, explore and discover as much about the Universe as we can. But we cannot control it, we do not have dominion over it, the energy from which the Universe comes and where its going, this entropy, this state of increasing disorder, is not to be controlled, only understood. In an ordered Universe, without entropy, there is no need for intelligence, all systems can simply function without thought, without concern. Where there is entropy, the more you need to reason out solutions. Entropy creates intelligence, it is a direct result. When the universe was small, the idea of controlling your surroundings was required, it’s a survival instinct. In the full universe, control is impossible, only understanding is possible, and as you begin to attempt to control it you destroy the very thing which makes us survivable as a species, intelligence.
Strip yourself down of all the bullshit, sit back and recognize that entropy is not our foe. Control is not possible, power is an illusion. The only reason any people have “power” is because we created the concept of power, and bestowed it upon human beings. It is not a natural state of being, it has no place in society, it has no place in the universe. Explore, discover, invent, create, understand, these are the actions at the heart of human nature. Once we get beyond the basic eat, sleep, poo, reproduce, not die a horrible death at the hands of a an angry moose. Let go of the artificial, leave it behind, work toward a new world, with new ideas, and a new beginning. If we continue to try and grip tighter and tighter in this idea that we can control the Earth, or anything else, to more rapidly we will meet our demise. The current trajectory we are on, in our fight against entropy is sealing our immediate doom. The only way to truly combat it is to scatter ourselves to the wind, like the seeds of a dandelion. Build up a civilization which can travel and settle far and wide, across the galaxy, across the universe.
Even if our current woes do not spell imminent doom (which they most likely do), eventually an asteroid, comet, massive volcanic activity due to some force, the Sun exploding, a nearby star going supernova, all things which can destroy us and all the life we know. birth, life, death, it happens to everything and all. Entropy is responsible, and there is no stopping it, there is only mitigating its effects. Understanding what we can do to give ourselves the best possible chance, to stay around as long as possible. If humanity ended tomorrow, by the time any creatures gained the ability to interpret what we have done, what we “accomplished”, who we were, they wouldn’t know anyone’s name. They wouldn’t know anything about what you’ve done, or any politician, general, anyone. If any information survived from our science, that they would be able to understand, that they would either immediately, or eventually interpret. Those are the only truths of our society. It seems stark, but it’s true. Our understanding of the universe is the only thing which has any true meaning outside of what humanity has created for themselves. It’s the only thing which context is not dependent fully on our own point of view.
That is our nature, we are explorers, we are here to learn about the universe and our only way to truly prosper, the only way to truly empower ourselves is to discard all our petty bullshit, and put all our efforts into exploration. To truly embrace all human beings as being valuable, as having rights to live, and learn, to be happy, that’s the only way we can truly explore. In order to survive, in order for any of this to be meaningful we need to devote far more resources into our discovery than we currently do. We waste so many resources clinging to our petty capitalism, in oppressing people and convincing some people they deserve to be oppressed. We cannot possibly survive. Why do we do this? In the drive for power and control, we tell the lie that people are immediately going to look out for their group first, but this is fundamentally not true, you can even see it in the lies we tell about the origins of Thanksgiving. The Natives didn’t come in and kill the interlopers, they didn’t hoard all their harvest for themselves, they didn’t protect their intellectual property. They shared their food, their knowledge, their land with the visitors. That was the natural reaction for them. Human beings, help them. That is the nature of a human being, it doesn’t matter what you look like, where you come from, what you sound like, what you wear. We recognize a fellow human being, and our instinct is to help if needed. If you don’t feel that is your nature, then you have been conditioned to believe that.
Let go of your conditioning, get in touch with your true nature and build a life around that. We need to start coming together, or else we will find that entropy does not care about how much money you have, how nice your car or house is, how many people are on your payroll.
Happy Holidays!

Have fun, keep running, and remember; if Gil can run then so can you!


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Ahhh the internet!

Holy crap, that was a shitty layoff, totally unintended! But I got out and ran today! We’re getting into the rainy season here, had a few drops fall as I went and honestly it was a bit cold because of it. I’m so excited that I have unlimited, fast internet now! I’m so excited I can’t really put together any decent, cogent thoughts.
I’m also excited the first indictments have been handed down in the Trump-Russia Affair. I know it’s not a short, sexy “-gate” type headline, but it really deserves it’s own thing, it’s in its own world. Indictment is a fun word, let’s break it down. I love etymology. Dictare, to dictate in Latin. In- in this case does not mean not, but takes its second meaning as ON. -Ment, the suffix showing action or result. On dictating action, being brought in on crimes! J’-fuckin’-cuse!
The rumblings are Mueller now has Flynn, if he has Flynn on the original charges Comey was investigating, then he has Trump on Obstruction, then it becomes a game of what else Mueller can prove, and how much pressure the American People can put on the GOP to remove this scumbag.
But as I’ve said, I’m too excited today to really put together anything good. A lot of that comes from not sleeping much last night! hahahaha Well, I played video games and got my playstation updated and shit like that!

Have fun, keep running, and remember; if Gil Can Run then so can you!


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No sooner do I have internet

Than I need to go to work, but I will be updating ASAP! Promise! Sorry everyone, and congratulations to everyone in the NYC Marathon, and first female winner from the US in 40 years! Impressive, I think USATF is taking marathon distance seriously again!


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Sorry, out of Internet

Hey guy, real quick, and hopefully it will change this weekend, but I’ve been without internet, except when at work. So I haven’t been able to update you all. I will asap! Promise, sorry!


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Searching for more

So I did not run yesterday because I ended up having to go in earlier than originally planned for work, and then it rained all morning! So when I went out today I was feeling kind of meh. But I managed a decent 5 miles and even stretched out some pace at the end. I tried to hit 6:26/mi (about 4:00/km) I was a little slower than that. I think if I really worked I could do it. I really do think with enough discipline I can manage a sub-20 5k.
So getting faster is in the cards, I’m also looking at expanding my mind. In my spare time I’m going to start researching grants and opportunities. I know it means I’ll need to subject myself to reams upon reams of paperwork, tests, creating plans and such. As I said the other day though, I need to start moving past this part of my life, I don’t want to get comfortable and stop here. I’ve hit some goals, I’ve done some of the things I set out to accomplish, but there’s more to do. There’s a real risk I run of complacency, of digging myself in again and getting too lazy and missing out on so many things I want to accomplish. Then there are new things I want to accomplish too, because as I experience more, I find more things where I say, “It’d be cool if I did that!” That’s what life is supposed to be.
We should all be getting out and seeing what there is for us in the world and figuring out what we want to do, and then making it happen. I’ve said it a thousand times or more, we are explorers! It’s our job, to look at our world, our universe in wonder, and figure it out. It doesn’t matter in what direction your figuring it out takes, it matters that that’s what you do! We’re not made to make money, money isn’t real, discovery is real. It doesn’t matter if someone else has gotten to, seen, discovered a thing before you, what matters is how you experience it. Everyone is different, everyone has a slightly different perspective on things, so if 1,000 people see the same thing, that means there’s 1,000 takes on what that thing is. Even though most of them will probably be very similar, it’s doesn’t matter, they’re all unique.
This hamster wheel we call modern “civilization” makes discovery a foreign, external thing to most people. You’re told you’re not smart enough, you don’t work hard enough, you don’t deserve to be able to do what you want. You need to be a cog in a machine. To what end? When do we end this lie of “work”. In America right now, people are working longer hours for less while the top brackets, the CEOs, financiers, they’re walking away with over 2000 times more than the average worker is making. Where is this trickle down prosperity we were all promised? It’s exactly where some of us has always said it would be. Yet people keep buying into this lie. Not just in the US, all over the world, they buy into this lie that if you give those with the most more, then they will magically share it with the rest of us, if we work hard enough. The harder we work though, the less we make, and then we’re told we don’t work hard enough. Forget that. Stop living in this lie, realize you do deserve more, you do deserve to live the life of a conscious part of the Universe, created for the sole purpose of discovering about itself.
None of that is dependent on where you were born, who your parents are, what you learned in school, what tax bracket you’re in, or anything else. Yes, we need a common framework of behavior to go off of. I think starting at “Do no harm” is a good jumping off point. Beyond that, let’s have that discussion. Let’s talk about what people should have and what we should be doing. As in, how should we act toward each other? How should we act toward our evolutionary cousins? How should we act toward our only home, Earth? How should we act toward our Solar System, our Galaxy, our Universe? Based on a cursory glance of all the data we have, our current ideas about these things, our current value system is clearly deficient.
We must have the small conversations, about the symptoms. I used the analogy the other day, Trump is like a broken leg in a patient with osteoporosis. Obviously the overall condition needs to be treated with the best medicines, exercise, vitamins, supplements, change in diet. But you don’t ignore the broken leg. At the same time, it is foolish to only treat the broken leg and not tackle the overall disease which caused it. Both issues must be addressed simultaneously. Otherwise you will either keep breaking bones at an unreasonable rate, or you will be permanently hobbled by a leg which did not heal properly. Neither is a desirable outcome. You can neither just be a micro-manager nor a big-picture guy. We must always be both, mindful of the great and the small.

Have fun, keep running, and remember; if Gil can run then so can you!


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