I ran with my club, and realized something
I did it! I had never done it before. I ran with the Milford Road Runners on a club run. A couple of us were just taking it easy. We did not run as far, or as fast as the rest. I am taking it easy for the rest of the week. It was nice to see some folks outside of just races. Particularly being that this year I have not been running the club Grand Prix races, and going for marathons instead. In fact, I have just been asked if I would be running the 5k on the schedule this weekend, but I doubt it. Race fees are getting hard to come by, but who knows.
So it was nice, it was easy, it was fun to run without having to think about turning, it was almost like running a race. There’s always someone telling you which way to go, less thought. Plus, got to talk with people and bs while running around. We also did something I never do at the end of a run, really put in a good kick in the last 100 yards or so. Here’s the thing though, I realized, even then I was holding back quite a bit. Sometimes I don’t realize how much I really hold back. What’s scary about that realization is how open and free I seem all the time. The fact is though, I am always holding back, for me, I’m always reserved. Running, talking, everything. I truly do wish I didn’t hold back so much. I like it when I don’t. I think that is what feels so good about Saturday, I didn’t hold back. Athletic performance is usually the rare occasions when I don’t. A good reason why all the baseball trophies on my shelf are all for 1st-3rd place finishes and not just participation, and they are all consecutive years. I never realized that until I unpacked them the other day. Every year after instructional league, Every team I was on finished top three. More than that, I still have some great friends from those teams. Come to think of it, even rugby in college, both years we, at least, made the playoffs. My last season the team was suspended due to a situation out of my control. Perhaps radio did that for me too, it allowed me to express myself in an environment that was encouraging of my particular skills and creativity.
I think the lesson here is to find the things in life that allow you to really be you. I think I do myself a disservice by not being so free in other areas of my life though. It’s an odd juxtaposition, feeling like I need to hold myself back in all manner of things and the only time I have felt encouraged to really just be myself is in athletics or radio production. But I will try to be more assertive and be myself more often, and not to hold back in my everyday life, and I suggest we all do the same. Love who you are and don’t apologize for it, but do apologize when you do wrong to people, they totally deserve acknowledgment of that. That’s what I see, and that’s what I’m going for. In the meantime, I’ll try and use running to help me bring that out more. It’s good like that.
It’s odd, as I realized tonight, I started walking/jogging/running to heal myself physically, but it seems I have a lot more healing to do, and running seems to be able to help with that too. So have fun, keep running, and remember, if Gil can run, then so can you!
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