Gil Can Run!A blog on Running and all the crap that runs through my head while doing it

Nov 10th Lost

Still, nothing to say. Ran, it was uncomfortable.

At a crossroads in your life
At a point to make a decision
Do you play the game for monetary gain
Or do you follow a code of ethics
Having to deal with some
With the charm of a snake that speaks
With a forked tongue
They’ll keep a casual bond to use you later on
Disconnect yourself and get away
Burn your bridges and don’t look back

Burn ’em down, Burn ’em down, Burn ’em down,
Gotta burn it

They don’t know what it means
Cause all they understand is their greed
They’ll never know rewards of the soul
And something to set yourself free
Think of moral wealth
You’re the one who’s got to live with yourself
You can’t hide from the ties that bind
You’ve got to burn those bridges
And break those ties
Burn those bridges and break those ties

Burn ’em down, Burn ’em down, Burn ’em down,
You’re the one who’s got to live with yourself,
You’ve got to
Burn ’em down, Burn ’em down, Burn ’em down,
Gotta burn it

The problem will arise you’ve got to look deep down inside
You’re the one’s who’s got to live with yourself
So can you smile for a price
Will you stay with those who will only
Drag you down, or do you cut the ties
Stand up for yourself and
Hold your moral ground
Do you stand with those who will only rip you off
Or do you strike the match and don’t look back and let ’em
Burn, let ’em burn, burn ’em down

BURN ‘EM DOWN, BURN ‘EM DOWN
You’re the one who’s got to live with yourself
You’ve got to
Burn ’em down, Burn ’em down, Burn ’em down,
Gotta burn it

Nov 9th I’m not going to run today

And I’m not going to post today, and maybe not tomorrow. I have lots of things to figure out. I can’t even find words to express how I feel. All the joy and humor I had is now gone.

Nov 8th Today is starting well

I got out and ran a pretty decent pace on the usual course. Not as good as I did last week, but it’s a bit wet this morning after some overnight rain, and so I had to mince a bit on the stone streets and could only really open up on pavement. Plus, I didn’t want to aggravate the foot injury. But it is healing, I’ve found if I wear my man-dals during the day when I’m not at work it helps. I don’t know why. I think it’s because they force me to heel strike, taking some pressure off the balls of my feet.
So today is the day, USA. Listen, just go vote, don’t care who you’re voting for. Although, nobody at all took me up on my request to give me one actual, factual, good reason to vote FOR Drumpf. Not a single soul among you. It amazes me considering how much pro-Drumpf stuff I’ve seen. But just for fun, let’s expand it today. Anyone who wants, give me a real reason, which is not legalizing marijuana, that you want to vote for your candidate. Explain to me why it is ethical, why it is moral, why it is practical, why it will work. Tell me what the plan is, and how it will be implemented. Wow me. Show me that you have a good grasp of the issues and you have thought about this, and have made sure your conscience is in line with how you are voting, or why you aren’t voting even. Explain to me the virtues, if you prefer, of not voting at all. Give me reasons why your philosophy makes a positive difference.
That’s what I do here, I share my thoughts, my philosophy, my ideas, and give you reasons why I think they are positive, why they help people other than myself. But no one ever shares with me, if you agree or disagree, in general, I don’t get much feedback. I want to know. Yes, I am anti-Trump, and I’ve explained that my agenda, the things I want to see happen, definitely dies under a Trump presidency, and there is hope that some things will remain under a Clinton Presidency. Yes I made it about me. I do agree with Clinton on things, like changing the ACA (Obamacare) and improving it, I want to see universal coverage, or as some say now Medicare expansion. Which is simple. I want to see tuition-free public college for families making under $125,000/yr. I want to see things like that and more. It’s a good start, things that can be built on in the future to make the country a better place. I want a candidate who acknowledges that climate change is a real, man-made phenomenon, and that we must start taking real steps toward addressing the issue. That’s not far enough for me, I know we need immediate, drastic action, but hopefully, incremental steps will be enough. I want a candidate that recognizes that not all pregnancies are meant to be carried full-term, that sometimes bad shit happens to people, and women should be allowed to decide what happens within their own bodies. I want everybody to be able to walk down the street without fear of being targeted because of what they look like, how they worship (if they do), or who they love. Politicians can’t actually fix all these things, but at least if they’re standing up for them, setting an example, it might help others change their minds.
Anyway, go out and vote today, and ask yourself if you’re putting your interests first, ask if you can think of your fellow human beings as your equals, and if the political ideology you are supporting can allow you to both see your fellow human beings as your brothers and sisters, as equals, and still you can sleep soundly at night with the decisions that will get made for others. Because in the end, the government we are left with isn’t about you, it’s about everyone. It touches every part of life, not just yours. So go and vote, do what you must. But remember, it’s not about just you, and everyone else is just as special, and worthy as you are.

Have fun, keep running, and remember; if Gil can run then so can you!

Nov 7th A Bright, Sun-shiny Day

Nope, not singing the song, but it’s a nice day, seriously. Almost time for me to run off to work. The hardest thing about the last few days has been fighting off the boredom. Being bored is not cool when there’s so much to discover in this world. But when you lack motivation it can be tough. Well, more than lacking motivation, it’s lacking patience.
But I’ve been watching downloaded shows and stuff like that. I should catch up on my reading. Meanwhile, tomorrow also looms large on the horizon. I called Fascism for the US within my lifetime. Will Drumpf get us all the way there? I think there are enough to oppose him, but he has certainly hurried us along on this path, emboldened those who would want to see this. People in Trump shirts proclaiming “tree, rope, journalist, any questions?” or some such nonsense. I would have to look at the picture again. But do they not get, that is actual tyrrany and terrorism? And the corporate takeover of everything (Trump just put out a plan to privatize roads and bridges, WORST IDEA EVER!), is actually fascism. So, there we have that.
Hopefully, tomorrow good sense wins out. Even if Clinton is just barely on the liberal side of the political mainstream, I’d rather have 4 more years of normal, than 4 years of God knows what. The policies are bad, and the way he goes about garnering support is worse. You can’t run campaigns like this, you really can’t, I realize the news organizations make a ton of money this way, but it is completely dysfunctional for a democracy. Capitalism is dysfunctional for a democracy, actually. If the motivation of all things is profit, then the greater good will always be overlooked, for profit. In a democracy, you sometimes must compromise whatever, for the greater good, so if you can’t compromise profit, then no good will happen, and democracy will break down. This is actually what is happening right now in the US.
Well anyway, now that we’re firmly in November, and the election is almost over, time to turn our sights on Thanksgiving, so I leave you this, because it’s hilarious and I agree with it:

Have fun, keep running, and remember; if Gil can run then so can you!

Nov 6th Taking things head on

That’s what I did today. When I woke up my foot actually didn’t hurt, didn’t even hurt to walk on it, but mid-way through the run I started feeling it again. I didn’t use it as an excuse, I didn’t let it slow me down, and I didn’t shorten my run. Either something will break (physically or mentally and I’ll have to rest) or it will heal. Overall, I’m completely pleased with my effort today.
I must confess, most of my thoughts still revolve around Monday and how disturbing the whole situation was for me. It’s very difficult for me to cope with being called a liar over and over and over again, particularly since anyone who knows me knows I’m honest to a fault. I’m honest to the point I don’t spare people’s feelings. The really hard thing is, I think it damaged my trust in people. Even though things like that have been temporary in the past, I don’t like it. I don’t like people trying to change me, and I don’t like it when they succeed, even temporarily.
The way I see it at this point, it either was a narcissistic need for power, for control, and a way of eroding my confidence and my self-worth. Or it was a complete lack of trust in me as a decent human being or it was a complete lack of valuing oneself, and thinking they had nothing to offer and they had no worth, so I should be brought down to feel as low. None of those things are a sign of love. When you love someone, you don’t try to control and change them, you trust them, and believe in them, and you trust yourself and believe in yourself. Even after talking to the last person they accused me of cheating with, the person claims I cheated. Even though any casual observer knows that to be completely false. I’m not going to let it get to me, I will heal and I will move on from this, in my usual time. I am awkward in my personal relations with people. It happens, there are certainly things I could have done better. I could have stayed more patient during the crazy,machine-gunned, repeated questions and accusations. But I’m not patient with those things, and regardless of how anyone viewed what was said, they were accusations.
I fight on, I will get up off the mat, and I will get back in it. I think I just wished I had the turn-around with matters of the heart as I do with running. I’m much more protective of it than I am with the rest of my body. This is also why I don’t mention names on here unless I need to. Not just to protect what little privacy I want, but to protect anyone I talk about, even if I’m angry with them, even if I don’t ever want to see them again, no matter how badly they hurt me. I also work to keep things as gender neutral as possible, so that people can imagine whatever situation they are comfortable in. Because how can I relate to everyone, if my language is necessarily exclusive of segments of the population. It may seem like I just sign on and throw a bunch of stuff up on a page and let my mind fly, but I actually put a lot of thought into these. I put a lot of thought into life. I think even my friends don’t understand how much effort I put into things sometimes. Because I do have a certain amount of ease about myself, my style, my speech pattern,it all seems very easy and lazy, and it’s really not. Sometimes people take that as me not caring, they’re generally wrong.

Have fun, keep running, and remember; if Gil can run then so can you!

Nov 5th Injuries happen

So, I did not run today, my foot hurts. I’m keeping this short today, because I just hurt and I want to rest. I said I wanted to get back to posting every day and so I am. Even if this is short, cheap and easy. I will run as far as I can tomorrow, no matter how uncomfortable. I hope this injury heals soon.
Sorry, I don’t have much more to talk about. I’m trying to stay calm about Tuesday, and I explained to some students today how Drumpf is dangerous, because they just think it’s funny, our version of Berlusconi. But the reality is, any President of the United States has much more impact and can be more dangerous than the Prime Minister of Italy. I explained to them how Drumpf has threatened to leave NATO, they understand that. They went from laughing about how stupid he was and how embarrassing it was for America, to understanding how dangerous the man is for the US and the World.
That was pretty much my day today, that and lots of pain from my foot. No visible bruising, but there is still pain like there’s a bruise. Hopefully, I can put in some pain-free miles tomorrow, I won’t be doing my long-run this weekend, I will wait until next weekend, or until I’m healed enough. We will see how it goes, feet are the most difficult part of the body to heal as far as I’m concerned, because you have to be upright.

Have fun, keep running, and remember; if Gil can run then so can you! (particularly tomorrow! Good luck everyone in the NY Marathon, and any race anyone’s running!)

Nov 4th I have been negligent

I have been skipping quality content in the form of inane rants on non-running days for a while now. That totally sucks of me, so I will do better to be more disciplined and I have determined I will work to bring content every day! This is it, last weekend of US Shitshow 2016, and I have to say, the crazy is getting worse. Once again, the problem is you all don’t vote (I know many of my friends do, but I’m talking in general, we’re looking at a 50-55% voter turnout, ridiculous!) So what up now?
Well, I’m not holding back on stupid people posting stupid things anymore. Let’s face it, I’ve never been particularly kind to people who are willfully ignorant, but sometimes I hold back, if it’s on a friend’s post on bookfaces or something. But we can’t afford to do that anymore. Drumpf is literally stupid. He’s done worse with his gifted wealth from his daddy than Parris Hilton has. Let’s think about that for a minute. Parris Hilton, completely useless human being, has done more with the money her parents gave her, than Donald Drumpf, so-called successful businessman, yet actually just another completely useless human being.
Here’s a man who has been caught exploiting undocumented workers in his real-estate ventures, and CLAIMS hewill deport the undocumented workers he relies on for his profit margins. Why do I know this is a lie? Why do I know he won’t deport them? First, it’s literally, physically impossible. Secondly, he knows where his bread is buttered. He simply wants to make sure they gain no legal status so he can continue to exploit their horrible situation for his own profit, and the profit of his friends. They make more being exploited here than they would make being exploited in their home countries, this is true. But they are still being exploited, working 2-3-4 jobs just to afford to live and send a little to family back in their home country to make their lives better (Seriously, go talk to some of these people and learn their stories, it will tear your heart into pieces if you have one). It’s completely crazy what we do to this world.
But people like Drumpf know they can get you to blame these people, by telling outrageous stories about welfare fraud and shit like that, which when you actually look into it, welfare in total is such an amazingly small part of the federal budget, it’s literally cents on the dollar of what you pay in taxes, one of the only things we spend less on is science. I’m just so done with the whole thing. Not the politicians, the people. We can have different opinions, but we can’t have different facts, we can’t have different realities.

Facts have a “liberal bias”. Thing change, they evolve, power structures oppress, entropy happens, evolution is real, so is man-made climate change. These are actual, provable facts, to the best of our knowledge. If we’re no all accepting facts , we cannot move forward. Why not? Because if you see arguing from a different idea of reality, which does not exist, then you can’t meet in the middle, because there is no middle. You are on a parallel line, not the same plane. There is a simple way to find the middle ground, accept science. End of statement. Sometimes science gets it wrong, for a brief time. It happens, we are imperfect beings in an imperfect world. But in general, we find we can trust science. Plus science requires that we always keep our minds open to mew information changing the old ideas, and even proving wrong the old knowledge, but it requires proof. And that’s the trick, we have a situation now where half the people require no proof and half of them insist the proof isn’t real! We need to stop this, I feel like I need to think of a way to make this stop. I hope one day I can.

Have fun, keep running, and remember; if Gil can run then so can you!

Nov 3rd Today hurts a bit

No seriously, my left foot hurts, a new sort of pain I haven’t felt before, right behind my middle toes. But I managed to get through 5 miles, and not a bad time, not a good time either. After yesterday’s great performance, I expected today would be a little tougher. Hopefully, everything will have sorted itself by Saturday.
Meanwhile, everything is working itself out. I have lots of family and friends who are of course very supportive, and in the right way. They don’t tell me what they think I want to hear, we just talk and have fun, and if I need help with something, I know they’re there. One thing bothered me on my run today, and I shouldn’t dwell on things, but this is important.
So, the thing about my vegetarianism, which I think you all already know, it’s not a dietary choice because I think it will make me thinner, stronger, or faster. It’s not a dietary choice based on fashion or popularity. This is about the environment, it’s a moral choice, it’s an ethical choice. That being said, I get some people who say they are vegetarian eat fish sometimes, they are not vegetarian, fish is not on a vegetarian menu, end of. Now, I understand that salted cod (bakala, which I hated eating even when I did eat meat) is a HUGE thing on New Year’s Eve in Southern Italy. That does not mean, under any circumstances I am going to eat it! I don’t eat fish! I don’t care if it would insult so-and-so, or that there’d be nothing else to eat.
This, by far, was one of the dumbest arguments I’ve ever had in my life. It shows a complete disregard for me as a person, my choices, my conscience, my life. This isn’t one of those “do this for me” situations. I made a choice that all creatures deserve to live and that since I don’t require them to die for me to live, then I will not enable their destruction to the very best of my ability. What amazes me is how anyone who reads this regularly could be mistaken for anything else. But in the end, it’s about control, it’s about power. “How far can I get this person to compromise themselves to ‘prove’ that they love me?” But in the end, that’s not love at all. That’s power, that’s manipulation, and all it serves to do is destroy that which you claim to love.
Why did I think about all this? Because running through the port, all the fishermen are out selling their catch, people are buying it, and the smell (the smell of fish has always made me a little sick) and the sight of all these creatures sitting on a table, dead or dying, makes me sad. I accept that I must deal with it, I accept that this is how these people make a living, this is how over 1/6th of the world’s population gets their protein (fish), but I won’t like it. I also won’t participate in it. You’re talking to a kid who bitched out a veterinarian at 6 years old because I found a cat dying on the side of the road, carried the cat over a mile and a half to the office, and they refused to heal the cat, because who was going to pay for it? No, I’m not going to eat fish so somebody feels better. And if that’s what it takes for you to feel loved, you will never be happy, nor secure in any relationship, because people all have a limit with that stuff.
I am going to try to stop complaining about this whole thing, but I feel like I have been keeping so much inside for so many months, because you just ignore so much from others when you’re in a relationship with them. But the other part is, I think I’m realizing exactly why I am upset about these things. Stuff like the bakala show a complete disregard for me as a person. It’s basic respect, and I think I should point that out when I notice it. Because, I don’t think even the person doing it realizes what they are doing all the time. So, maybe my sharing these things can get people to realize what they are doing to others, or that they are in a bad situation that maybe they should get out of. I stood up, and I respected my choices, and my lifestyle, regardless of how angry it made someone else. We should always do the same thing, unless our lifestyle hurts other people intentionally.

Have fun, keep running, and remember; if Gil can run then so can you!

Nov 2nd Almost incredible effort

I say almost, because I have the run tracking data to prove what I did! Went out and smoked it today! That run was 5 seconds off my 5 mile race PR. For a lot of the people I know, a 39 minute 5 mile is nothing to be too excited about, but for me it is. I knew I went out fast, I could feel it, but I didn’t check my watch until I started to feel a little sluggish just to see how fast I was going and if I should slow down. I looked down half a mile in and decided to keep going, as I was putting in about a 7:30/mi (4:45/km).
I was basically able to keep my foot on the gas through 3 miles. Slowed down a little for the last two. First time in a long time I strung together 3 sub-8 minute miles, and averaged sub-8 over 5 miles. Obviously, I haven’t dropped any physical weight in a day, and I didn’t get physically stronger in a day. Tomorrow I plan on going slower again, dropping back down to my regular training pace. This morning, however, I just let go, mentally. I was upset about the past 48 hours and I thought to myself “Why am I upset? what did I do wrong?” Once I let go and realized that it didn’t matter if that person was going to blame me, or think bad things about me, I was free.
I felt free to be me again, I felt free to step back and look at the world again, to look at things with a new sense of wonder, to rediscover that which had been lost and stifled by someone so demanding of my attentions and so bent on convincing me of my own mediocrity and encouraging complacency within it. Letting go of all those bad feelings, starting to rid myself of the anxiety of “having”to answer to the buzz of my phone every time a message came through, this is the dawn of the freedom I remember.
I always say we should love others so they feel they are free, and if you can’t do that, and if you feel like you aren’t free because of your love for another, then you should leave. That relationship is not for you. The biggest problem most people have, including myself, is an inability to listen to our own good advice. I truly believe that setting myself free from the oppression I was under, even though self-imposed, is solely responsible for my effort today. I am completely proud of that effort, and hope to expand upon it, to focus on getting leaner, not thinner, leaner, and faster. This isn’t about looks, there is still no vanity in me, save that I want to run faster, not to win prizes, I know I can never be that fast, but I want to see what I am capable of.
In order to perform your best physically, mentally, emotionally, you must have people around you helping you in those goals. If people are holding you back, as long as they don’t have legitimate concerns about your health and well-being, then you have to let them go. Example: If you know you have 10 lbs (4kg) of fat sitting around on your body, based on best estimates that equates to about 60 seconds slower in 5km (assuming 2 seconds per mile, per pound). Now, if you are already rail thin and have no fat on you and people are trying to stop you, then yes, they should do that, you could hurt yourself. On the other hand, if someone grabs your man-boobs and tells you not to lose them because they won’t find you attractive, that’s not helping you in fact, that’s sabotaging you. Not to mention, doing it in public when you already are not a fan of public physical displays is outright demeaning.
Yes, I’ve lost a lot of weight, but I still have fat. I make bad dietary choices sometimes to compound the problem. I need to stop drinking beer, probably stop drinking completely. Cut back on pasta, and sweets. However, when you have someone intentionally trying to keep you in a physical condition that you don’t want to be in, that makes it tougher. Be healthy about how you go about losing weight, or building muscle, or whatever you want to do, don’t take shortcuts, don’t follow trends which can sometimes do more harm than good. If you are struggling to get where you want to be, consult reputable professionals, or even friends who have gone through what you are. Don’t let anyone hold you back from where you want to be though.
That was it today though, I was free, truly free. I didn’t worry about the fact my shoes are way over 500 miles (800km), I didn’t think about my weight, my time, my weekend, my week, what things were going to be like going forward, I just ran, and kept thinking about each step and making sure my feet were landing securely and safely. I ran free, I ran the way I wish I could always run. It was beautiful, it was as close to perfect as anything I have ever done. This might be my best training run, as much as Hartford was definitely my best marathon. But even there, I made mistakes that cost me. Today, even over such a relatively short distance, it was just me, the road, the air, and my stride. I couldn’t have asked for anything better.

Have fun, keep running, and remember; if Gil can run then so can you!

Nov 1st It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, for clichéd songs!

Yeah, forget that mess, got out and ran late, because I had a late night, because the end of October tends to close chapters for me. I’ve lost a job on Halloween, and now a relationship. I tend not to talk specifically about relationships on here, because it can be problematic, and it is problematic. But now that this one is done, keeping with standards, and not naming names or pointing anyone out, I will detail what went wrong.
Just so everyone knows, I’m actually not upset. I’m quite fine. This is probably the best I’ve ever felt after a breakup. I just want to point out, I deal with a lot of stuff from people, I forgive over and over even as my own ability to cope deteriorates, but there is one thing I have zero tolerance for, physical violence. I don’t care if it hurts, I don’t care if I was being a complete asshole about something, you hit me in anger, relationship over. I, if you couldn’t tell, have a lot of my own anger inside. I’m constantly terrified of losing control and hitting someone. So once you do, I’m gone, because I’m not going to leave myself in a situation where I will be tempted to act in such a manner, simply because I’m not sure I could deal with that afterward. I would feel like a massive failure. So that’s what ended it, but let’s talk about some warning signs that I should have looked out for, and how I should have ended things much earlier.
Now don’t get me wrong, overall, this person was a very kind human being. Always very helpful, very kind-hearted, very generous. So what’s the problem, you may ask. Well, completely insecure. I am not the type of person for someone who is insecure. I am generally a loner, an extroverted-introvert if you will. I generally want to keep to myself, but I am super nice to talk to and want to help everyone out and want to be kind. But I generally don’t want to spend too much time with most anyone. I can run, blog, work, eat, watch stuff, read stuff, play games, without talking to another soul except where necessary and be completely at ease and happy. What all this means is, I’m not always up for giving all the details of my day, I honestly don’t want people prying too much. Not because I’m not doing anything wrong, but because I am private, yes, I AM PRIVATE! So, no I don’t want to play 20 questions about all my friends.
So it started when I went to the USA for a month this Summer to see family. If I didn’t want to talk on Skype, it meant, apparently, I didn’t want to talk to this person. Not true, I just don’t always want to be tethered to a computer or phone with a camera in my face, see above about introverts. Then, if I didn’t answer a WhatsApp message within a few minutes, I would get accused of not wanting to speak to this person anymore. Right here, I should have called it quits. But my family was so happy I actually decided to let someone into my life. I was wrapped up in a certain amount of new relationship whatever.
Then in Denmark, things get worse. The problem was, in jailbreaking my phone, I didn’t realize I needed to manually set up the TIM APNs. Holy crap, that’s really when the accusations of cheating started. A friend from my previous job was accused, a friend from bookfaces whom I never actually met, a friend’s wife. Constantly, and it didn’t matter what I said, or what was real, there was an argument that was going to happen. If I tried to avoid it, or just told the truth. The worst is when I told the truth, I’d be told how I was lying. Every time it was heartbreaking, it was brutal. It was absolute abuse. But I stuck with it, because overall they were a nice person, and I figured when I got back to Italy all would be better.
Nope, on my birthday, because I had gone to play beer pong with a friend from work and some students months before, and I didn’t bother to tell them about something so insignificant (no offense to those involved, I totally had fun, but I mean it’s fucking beer pong), holy crap the fight that ensued was ridiculous, and the worst part is, it was my birthday, and I let them make me feel like crap when I did nothing wrong. That, right there, should have absolutely been enough for me, I mean it’s a birthday right. But I was good and patient and I told myself it would get better.
Needless to say it didn’t. New job, new coworkers, new accusations. Old friends, new accusations. I thought it would get better, but it actually sped up and got worse, It went from once a month, to once every couple of weeks, to once a week, and this past weekend, it was actually twice in the weekend!
The last straw came when I tagged them in a photo, on their request. They saw a name pop up in the bookfaces person tagging screen on my phone, a friend. And immediately I tensed and felt sick when I heard “Who’s that?” Well that’s what started the end. I just wanted out of the apartment at that moment. Notice I’m not being a dick and demanding they leave my apartment. I’m leaving, even at the end, I worry about people, it was cold here last night for people who live around here, it got into the single digits centigrade. So it was in the mid-high 40s F. As she’s giving me the “after all I’ve done for you!” shit. Like I don’t do anything for people. Not the first time she pulled that one out. But anyway, I tell them, at this point when they talk to this friend and find out I didn’t cheat, we are done. Because it’s just too far at this point, I was giving them a choice to trust in me or end it. But then that made things worse, I didn’t realize it was, because they told me they already knew this friend. So I figured tomorrow they’d contact this person and it’d be over.
Now, when you demand of me my telephone, to call someone you are convinced I was cheating on you with, that’s not going to happen. When you clutch my shirt and jam your hand down my pants to try and remove my phone, definitely not on. And when I turn to leave my apartment, and you hit me in the back, I’m done. Completely unacceptable. There are things I could have done better, but I don’t feel any remorse about them. I never did anything terminally wrong. I was just true to myself, and I let some damage be done to some friendships because I wasn’t strong enough to stand up and say no earlier. That’s what I regret, that one friend got a late night bookfaces add with bizarre questions asked of them, and other friends didn’t get messages answered as promptly as they should have been, or I didn’t call them when I should have, because their troubles were greater than mine, yet I was too timid to stand up to someone trying to control my life.
Many points, I could have, and should have cut this short, and I didn’t and that was my mistake. In spite of my rejection of most societal norms, I definitely let the pressure get to me and I wasn’t true to myself. That’s very difficult to deal with, I feel like a fraud, but hey, matters of the heart are more complicated than social justice, economic justice, environmental justice right? OK, I’m good. You be good too, and don’t let anyone push you around. I don’t care what they do, if they’re doing things for you in exchange for your obedience and your betrayal of yourself, your friends, your family, they are NOT doing things for you, they are doing them for themselves, in order to gain a new possession, only this time the thing they are getting is you. Unacceptable. Sorry to be so heavy today, but that’s that. And no seriously, I’m fine, for the first time after a breakup, I’m totally fine, and I shared, because I don’t want anyone else ending up where I ended up. If I didn’t walk away last night, it wouldn’t have got better, it would have kept getting worse. Tomorrow, a new day and hopefully more good news! Today I feel lighter, I feel more secure with myself, I feel better about me and re-energized on my path. Keep that #PMA!

Have fun, keep running, and remember; if Gil can run, then so can you!