Run rabbit run!
Well, there was no reason for today to be difficult, but never underestimate my ability to make my own life exceedingly difficult. So, when I got my new phone, I downloaded my favorite alarm clock app, and set it up, to a point. But for some reason, I left the weekend alarm as is, and just would change the time for Saturday and Sunday. That is to say, Saturday night I would set the weekend alarm for whatever time I felt like waking up and running on Sunday, and then Sunday night I would set it for Saturday morning at 6am, so I had plenty of time to get up Saturday morning, make breakfast, and get to work. But last weekend I forgot to reset Saturday. This morning, this stupidity of not just setting separate alarms for Saturday and Sunday burned me. Woke up with 5 minutes to leave the apartment to make the last train to make it on time for my first class. Got a shower, got dressed, got to the platform in time (barely). It’s truly rare that I feel like I complete asshole, this morning, yeah.
But work was good overall. It was the first time seeing my first class in a month, as they took their B1 exam a couple weeks ago. So I just spent the time introducing them to what the B2 exam expects from them. The second class, we were going over transportation vocab, and I ended up giving them a lecture on the importance of safety gear on motorcycles and seat belts in cars. Yes, that’s a problem here, people not wearing seat belts. Then one of the kids mentions how some people get seriously injured from airbags, namely they get scarring, and I say yes, but the alternative can be worse. Then we start talking about g forces and how the airbag is meant to slow the rate of deceleration. Was a wild one. But that’s not the most important thing today. But always a good talk to have, impress on them automotive safety.
Got home, managed a decent run, but low on calories I was not feeling 10 miles. Plus, I had neglected some sunscreen and the sun was pretty intense. So I got a little over 7 miles in. I felt pretty good overall, although hungry and definitely needed to drink some more water before I went out today. But I had a good pace and felt strong. I should be able to make up a few extra miles tomorrow, I have had a fantastic dinner and have been drinking water, taking care of myself tonight.
Tomorrow, running, cleaning, cooking, that is my day. A week and a half until the long weekend (It’s Italy, we get all of Easter off!) and the days should go by pretty quick. I’ll be busy. All in all, I’m doing alright, holding it down and getting shit done.
So, remember when I came back after my layoff and got my new computer and all that? I said I unblocked everyone on my block list because I was feeling generous and I was letting go of all the bad feelings I had about people and as long as no one performed any fuckery, I’d be fine to live and let live with all that? So one person, almost immediately, had to play “nope, I’m gonna get the last word” so that person went straight back on the block list. Don’t even know the person, they are a friend of a friend, and just a dumb son-of-a-bitch. An ex creeped on me and accidentally hit like and then unlike. Which was just funny to me. But then last night, a sort-of ex. I don’t know, I was told no emotional attachments, and then when I hooked up with someone else shit hit the fan. Well, there was never anything there save what it was, and when I’m told I’m free to do as I wish, I do as I wish. Well, I get the message “I see you unblocked me…” Fucking hell, just because I unblock you doesn’t mean I want to hear from you.
Now, I know this person well enough to know they had been drinking. And I haven’t answered, didn’t answer then, and won’t answer. If I saw someone who blocked me in my “suggested friends”, no matter what, I wouldn’t message them. I was blocked, that’s that. If the person wants to talk to me, they will bother to say something. And mind you, there wasn’t like an apology for the shittiness or anything resembling anything that would show any remorse or feelings of guilt for the crap this person pulled. It was like, “you should talk to me now.”
So, I will say it again, just because I let go of my need to block you doesn’t mean I want to hear from you, or talk to you. It doesn’t mean I miss you. I really do move on. Particularly if everything was on a foundation of “no emotional attachment”, like ok, why would I get my ass attached then? I just don’t understand why people think so highly of themselves. I get that I come off like I do sometimes, but I really don’t. I just roll with things as they are. But it’s just an annoyance, what makes someone think I want to talk to them. But if I’ve been angry at you for something and your lead isn’t an apology, even if I wanted to talk to you again, chances are it’s not going to happen.
Alright, so yeah. just bothered me. Still won’t block the person, I can ignore people just fine. Just need to vent that. I’m good now, I can go on with life. Onto Sunday, another bad-ass run, some more amazing home-cooked food, and cleaning this place up. I really am more and more pleased with my cooking. Each time I make a dish again, I do a little better. It really does pay off when you always think you can do better. I’m happy with who I am and what I do, but I always know I can improve, I always know I can be better tomorrow than I was today. That is what drives me. As I said, some days are better than others, but it is that idea which allows me to hone every skill I have. Never be complacent, never be “complete”. Always look for a better way, always look to improve, but never let someone else bring you down. Never let someone try and use that to sell you on anything. That’s where we go wrong. Self-doubt is a good thing, letting other people crap on you for that self-doubt is a problem. Being a better you is hard work, and no one has a magic serum or anything else to make it easy for you. No matter what you’re facing internally, all you can do is strive to be a better you tomorrow. As far as the external shit we force on each other. That’s the shit we need to knock the fuck off in this world.
The people that force their shit on other people, they always think they know what’s best. Look, I don’t know what’s best, I know what works for me, and I share it. I’ve always said, you take something from this great, you have a better way, fine. I’m not here to tell anyone what to do. But if you think you know what’s best, you’re always right, you’re something wonderful and special, and so everyone should always listen to you, I don’t want to hear it.
Have fun, keep running, and remember; if Gil can run then so can you!
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