That was interesting
So my Achilles hurt this morning, but not nearly as bad as it has been the last week or so. I decided to put on my compression socks and give 10 miles a try today, ended up running a half! Right about 2 hours, as my back started spasming around mile 7 and it took some time to get the muscles to calm down. Once it did I was still feeling pretty good. So when I hit the Villa I used the water fountain to replenish some fluids and then struck out to go 13.1 miles.
So I’m only a couple miles short of my usual for the week. I’m also going to look up how to tape my Achilles to aide in healing. I didn’t Body Glide my toes and the new stride caused a little blood to squirt out of a toe, haha. The whole way I tried to keep my mind on keep my hips forward and shoulders back. I am a slouch naturally, so it is difficult for me. I think I kept form more often than not, even though once I started feeling a pull in the tendon, right around mile 5.
Physically, I’m I’m much better shape. My blood pressure is still too high, but on hypertensive, not in the High Blood Pressure diagnosis area. I can’t remember the last time I used my inhaler, and since January I haven’t even had one thanks to those shitty thieves in Napoli. But I realize psychologically, emotionally, it is going to take me much longer to be ok. I’m still uncomfortable with my body overall. Even though I can compare pictures and see a vast difference, when I look in the mirror I still see the same. I was thinking, it’s been years since I’ve gotten myself to a healthy state, relatively. More than that, it was my fault for being unhealthy, this was my doing. Yet it is taking me years to fix the emotional damage of all this. I can only imagine how difficult it is for people who have nothing wrong with them, yet are told there is something wrong by a majority of society. Being told their skin, or their hair, or whatever trait about them is “wrong”. It breaks my heart thinking about that. I’ve talked about advertising and manufacturing before not caring. But in this context, thinking about how long it has taken for me to get here, and I haven’t overcome my self-inflicted psychological wounds, for people who are subject to external attacks it must be that much more difficult. Wishing to destroy the fashion or advertising industries is a fools errand, but we do need to abandon our system, if for no other reason than this. That we brutalized the minds of so many people on a daily basis, for their body shape, skin color, hair type, height, et al. Even in the “body positivity movement” there’s so much advertising bullshit, and I’ve mentioned this before. “Plus-sized model”, look either you’re a model or you’re not, size isn’t a factor. But no matter what they do, it’s going to be bullshit. Our entire system is predicated on the idea of making people feel deficient in order to buy goods and services. That is the point. You can’t do it on your own, you need us.
In this, I’m lucky, I am highly capable, I fail at things sure. I suck at basketball, I’m a terrible dancer, I’m still frumpy. But whatever, I don’t need some miracle pill or video series, I don’t need Billy Blanks or Richard Simmons to motivate me to get rock hard abs. If I want to take a dance class I will, but I have bigger fish to fry. At this point there’s nothing I can do about my trash game. Oh and I’m pretty awkward with people I like too, but that’s alright, I’ll just be me and anyone I’m interested in either gets it and digs it, or they don’t. And that’s fine, maybe I have a new friend, maybe they tell me to f-off, doesn’t matter. I don’t need some book on talking to people, I don’t need Tinder, or any app, or site like J-Date (although I’m not Jewish), or Match, or Plentyoffish or any of that shit. I’m just going to be me and maybe everything works out or it doesn’t. Simply put service industry, advertising, and all this shit; fuck you I don’t need your help.
I need help doing things that matter, like learning Italian, getting food (as I don’t own a farm so I can’t grow my own), having clothes to cover my body. But don’t make me feel bad about my choices with these things. I will wear what is comfortable with me, I will eat what coincides with my ideas about what is appropriate and what fits with my ethics in life. I try to avoid foods which exploit people and harm animals. It doesn’t always work out, but I do my best.
That’s the whole thing, I do the best I can, and I’m never complacent, I’m always looking to do better, in everything I do. Not because I want to be better than the person next door, but because I want to be the best me I can be. Not so other people pat my back and tell me they’re proud of me, but because that is what I am here to do. It’s what we’re all here to do, be the best us we can be. That doesn’t come from outside of us, it’s not the house you live in, it’s not the clothes you wear the jewelry, the cars, or whatever. Being the best you can be is about what you put out into the world. Do you lift people up? Do you help? Do you contribute? Or do you only serve yourself in the quest for what you’ve been told is desirable? Do you sell your soul for cars and jewels and riches and houses?
That’s all it comes down to, you can’t beat the person next to you. You can’t, even if it looks like you are. You can only be better than the person you were yesterday. I’ve made mistakes in my life, I’ve hurt people. I’ve been hurt by people too. I’ll make mistakes in the future, and I’ll be on the receiving end of mistakes as well. But I will always try to be a better Gil tomorrow. That’s my only goal, keep getting better. As I get better, I treat people better, I have a better impact on the world, and it doesn’t matter how limited or broad my impact is. It only matters that I have more positive impacts than negative. If everyone strove for this, we could eliminate the problems in this world in no time at all. Instead of being defensive and shitty when someone tells us we’ve hurt them, instead of defending ourselves and our ways when that happens, what if we listen and see if there’s a way we can improve to not cause that hurt?
This is the only way forward, as I’ve stated, as all scientific indicators seem to show, we need to do this sooner rather than later as we are running out of time. Don’t shut down dialog by being defensive, listen and learn and see what can be done. Take down your walls and just be, and realize you can be better. Life is a journey, and there is no destination, there is just simply being, and being the best you can be.
Have fun, keep running, and remember; if Gil can run then so can you!
Lyrics:
Make a change
I see it on the streets
As we walk right by
What little value
we place on human fuckin lives!
But it’s time we get priorities
It’s time to rearrange
Won’t turn my back any longer
It’s time we make a change!
People so cold
They ignore others’ pain
People too proud
To realize they’re the fuckin same
We all make a change
But it’s time we get priorities
It’s time to rearrange
Won’t turn my back any longer
It’s time we make a change!
Make a change
Make a change
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