Almost incredible effort
I say almost, because I have the run tracking data to prove what I did! Went out and smoked it today! That run was 5 seconds off my 5 mile race PR. For a lot of the people I know, a 39 minute 5 mile is nothing to be too excited about, but for me it is. I knew I went out fast, I could feel it, but I didn’t check my watch until I started to feel a little sluggish just to see how fast I was going and if I should slow down. I looked down half a mile in and decided to keep going, as I was putting in about a 7:30/mi (4:45/km).
I was basically able to keep my foot on the gas through 3 miles. Slowed down a little for the last two. First time in a long time I strung together 3 sub-8 minute miles, and averaged sub-8 over 5 miles. Obviously, I haven’t dropped any physical weight in a day, and I didn’t get physically stronger in a day. Tomorrow I plan on going slower again, dropping back down to my regular training pace. This morning, however, I just let go, mentally. I was upset about the past 48 hours and I thought to myself “Why am I upset? what did I do wrong?” Once I let go and realized that it didn’t matter if that person was going to blame me, or think bad things about me, I was free.
I felt free to be me again, I felt free to step back and look at the world again, to look at things with a new sense of wonder, to rediscover that which had been lost and stifled by someone so demanding of my attentions and so bent on convincing me of my own mediocrity and encouraging complacency within it. Letting go of all those bad feelings, starting to rid myself of the anxiety of “having”to answer to the buzz of my phone every time a message came through, this is the dawn of the freedom I remember.
I always say we should love others so they feel they are free, and if you can’t do that, and if you feel like you aren’t free because of your love for another, then you should leave. That relationship is not for you. The biggest problem most people have, including myself, is an inability to listen to our own good advice. I truly believe that setting myself free from the oppression I was under, even though self-imposed, is solely responsible for my effort today. I am completely proud of that effort, and hope to expand upon it, to focus on getting leaner, not thinner, leaner, and faster. This isn’t about looks, there is still no vanity in me, save that I want to run faster, not to win prizes, I know I can never be that fast, but I want to see what I am capable of.
In order to perform your best physically, mentally, emotionally, you must have people around you helping you in those goals. If people are holding you back, as long as they don’t have legitimate concerns about your health and well-being, then you have to let them go. Example: If you know you have 10 lbs (4kg) of fat sitting around on your body, based on best estimates that equates to about 60 seconds slower in 5km (assuming 2 seconds per mile, per pound). Now, if you are already rail thin and have no fat on you and people are trying to stop you, then yes, they should do that, you could hurt yourself. On the other hand, if someone grabs your man-boobs and tells you not to lose them because they won’t find you attractive, that’s not helping you in fact, that’s sabotaging you. Not to mention, doing it in public when you already are not a fan of public physical displays is outright demeaning.
Yes, I’ve lost a lot of weight, but I still have fat. I make bad dietary choices sometimes to compound the problem. I need to stop drinking beer, probably stop drinking completely. Cut back on pasta, and sweets. However, when you have someone intentionally trying to keep you in a physical condition that you don’t want to be in, that makes it tougher. Be healthy about how you go about losing weight, or building muscle, or whatever you want to do, don’t take shortcuts, don’t follow trends which can sometimes do more harm than good. If you are struggling to get where you want to be, consult reputable professionals, or even friends who have gone through what you are. Don’t let anyone hold you back from where you want to be though.
That was it today though, I was free, truly free. I didn’t worry about the fact my shoes are way over 500 miles (800km), I didn’t think about my weight, my time, my weekend, my week, what things were going to be like going forward, I just ran, and kept thinking about each step and making sure my feet were landing securely and safely. I ran free, I ran the way I wish I could always run. It was beautiful, it was as close to perfect as anything I have ever done. This might be my best training run, as much as Hartford was definitely my best marathon. But even there, I made mistakes that cost me. Today, even over such a relatively short distance, it was just me, the road, the air, and my stride. I couldn’t have asked for anything better.
Have fun, keep running, and remember; if Gil can run then so can you!
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